I think I have been dumped by my best friend. It kinds of feels like end of days relationship and I have come to accept it as the status quo. There are a few events that have led to this point; the biggest sign that this is not the first time it has happend. Sort of… okay that is a bit melodramatic but my head bridesmaid had found another life-long friend to appoint as hers in the interim between the two. That stung, it has to be said. It wasn’t about bridesmaid-ing or anything silly like that but that my place as her confidant was usurped in a few short years.
All of that is history now and we have a new sort of friendship because that’s what friends do; adjust to new situations in each others lives.
Now a few years ago I started a new job and as part of that needed to go out a lot of evenings with my work mates. I became very close to another woman in the office and our lives and attitudes seemed to mirror each other. We were pretty much inseparable as friends go, liked the same music, comics, films and books. We were drinking and partying buddies. Most importantly, she could happily have a pint with my husband without my needing to be there and when I was pregnant quite often did.
Since the arrival of my son, it is fair to say that my social life has been significantly curtailed but also has my friendship. It is as though our friendship didn’t quite adjust to the arrival of a new person central to my life. I can’t feel sad about it because there is not one thing in the world that would make me change how my life is now.
The thing is, over the past few months there have been a few let downs in this friendship. One was documented on here when I ended up having a night in with my Mother-In-Law rather than a night out with her because something better came along for her that I didn’t want to spend on.
Last weekend, we all went on a road trip for the day on Sunday. Later in the evening we were sat in the pub with her housemates. They were all discussing a cheap weekend break. Given that I have been gasping for a break away and am owed many in the pot, I thought that the next breath would be ‘Hey, what weekends can you make?’, but it wasn’t. They carried on planning this women’s weekend away like I wasn’t there. I figured that maybe she didn’t realise I was interested so popped up that I too would love to come along.
Okay, I know that sometimes my cultural reference points are a bit lacking after having a child, I’m not such an early adopter as I once was and conversation about which underground jazz bar in Dalston is the club de jour escapes me entirely but I am good at partying. So, imagine my surprise that the response from what was once my closest friend was less than enthusiastic about my joining the adventure and in fact it has not been mentioned since. I know when I am not invited.
I have taken it all with a pinch of salt. Today, in fact, we had made albeit loose plans to head off the the vegan fete as I was lone-parenting for the day. I put it out there, didn’t push it and she said she would get back to me. Funny thing is, I ended up at the fete with one of my friends from Bradford who I’d known since I was 12 years old. This is a friend who I can not see for years and just pick up the conversation like we’d seen each other yesterday. I have a few other friends like that. As he was kindly giving me a hand with the pram, cake, and other vegan purchases back off the bus my friend who didn’t come went speeding by in a car off to what was presumably the better offer she got to spend her Saturday day. I think that really says it all.
I am not even sad about it all. I’ve been dumped and replaced. The only real thing that has changed is the arrival of my son and if a friend cannot adapt to that, cannot make the same effort to a different situation then I can accept that and move on. Like with any relationship. I’m not saying I am suddenly de-friended, more like de-best friended.
An interesting point to this whole thing is that when I am earning more than rent I still intend to get my much needed weekend away. I am planning a night in a hotel with cake, wine, books and writing. When I mentioned this to friend who was bridesmaid (also now a Mum), she expressed an interest in joining me if I were to go to a spa hotel. I think I forsee a drunken-Mums weekend away before the year is out and not a word about children will be spoken.