student maths

Our internet connection has been down for over a week now. It is sort of back but not great; like using dial-up in the late 90’s. It really could not have gone down at a worse time. I finally received my certificate to look after tiddlers but could not search for willing parents with no internet.

I also couldn’t check the atrocious state of my bank account and went into Student-Mode.  Here is how Student Banking and Student Cash Maths works:

– Withdraw money until you can withdraw no more. If you suspect you are low on funds, start high at the cash point and work your way down the withdrawal amounts until you get out what is actually left in your account. This way you don’t really have to go through the trauma of seeing your overdraft but have the joy of cold, hard cash in your hands.

– Use cheques with impunity. I actually don’t know how I would have fed myself in University had it not been for my cheque-guarantee card. Suffice to say, that were I at University now I would not be able to do the pre-loan Supermarket shop: buy as much as you can to your cheque-guarantee limit; make a third of it non-perishable and pay off the fines with your student loan payment. At least 3 weeks before every loan payment I did this.

– Student Cash Maths: If I buy this then I will be saving money because of x. For example, if I buy this pair of jeans at least 3 tops that I do not wear will be now wearable so I will be effectively saving the money of buying 3 new tops. This therefore covers the price of the jeans and also gives me £10 left over so I might as well go for a pint to reward myself.

So, I kind of feel like a student again: no internet, no money, no way to check if some kindly stranger has deposited a princely sum into my account, no idea what day of the week it is but that is okay because the sun is out and we all know that when the sun is out it is essentially the law that you should have at least one pint of lager in a beer garden.

Actually, I had one cold glass of wine in a stuffy yet empty pub last night because I desperately needed to check emails, write some things and look at my bank account. When I returned home because my laptop died, my husband informed me that the internet was back on. Why he didn’t call me up to let me know so that I didn’t have to be subjected to a pub-band rendition of Coldplay’s greatest hits, I do not know. Although I would probably have the same reaction were Coldplay themselves in the pub last night.


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