I have had a touch of the miseries this week gone by. It hasn’t been fun, I’ve felt totally redundant as a person. It is like someone has sucked all the conversation out of me and replaced it with children or housework. Not helped that a couple of nights out, which usually give me a bit of burst, have been swept away for one reason or another.
The main trigger was plans I had in place with someone being cancelled. Well, not cancelled, something they wanted to do more than our original plan came along and I wasn’t especially up for the alternative. So, not wanting to waste what little money I had on something I wasn’t really excited about doing, I decided not to go. Which left me with a rare night off at the last possible minute. Suffice to say, everyone I knew who I could usually call upon for a game of pool or pint of beer were otherwise engaged with weddings or festivals.
I sat at home. Like I normally do. Except this time around I didn’t need to. What made the whole situation worse was that the person who I’d made plans with, appeared to have forgotten that we’d done so and to them, it wasn’t that a better offer came along, that was just what they had decided to do with their Saturday evening.
I had been feeling pretty fragile recently anyway but this tipped me over into MISERY. My poor husband came back to find that I’d eaten so much chocolate I felt sick, was sat in my pyjamas surrounded by soggy tear-filled tissues. I was probably over-reacting at an incident I could have otherwise brushed off but time and nights out are now so precious that it seemed my whole life had become something I didn’t want it to.
That was 3 days ago. Since then, I have done some work, done a lot of writing and got my priorities in order. Friends can and will let you down from time to time but invest in my family and they will always be there to pick up the pieces. The sun has come out today, which has helped and I have a day off on Monday which I wasn’t sure what to do with. Until, that is, one of my new Mum friends also has a day off so we are off to the cinema. A treat which you cannot quite experience until you are a parent, I think.
My mind has stopped feeling like their is a pigeon of thoughts trying to escape my skull and I have had chance to re-group and re-focus on what is important. Plus, it seems lots of people have been recommending my childminding services so hopefully that illusive full-time work will be here soon and I can feel like a real contributing member of society again. If I moan about the tired at that point, feel free to hit me back with this blog post.