Flaming Idiot

I am actually a dumbass. There have been 3 fire-related kitchen-based incidents in my life so far. Three. One was this week.

The first incident was when I first mocved out of home. I wasn’t exactly skilled in the cookery department. While trying to make the ever-complicated beans on toast, I somehow managed to catch my dressing gown sleeve on fire, shortly followed by a chopping board. In the panic, I forgot stop, drop and roll and just soaked the entire kitchen.

The second incident was a few years ago at my office. I would like to point out here that I have never used a microwave. I put my jacket potato in to cook and returned to my office to continue with some work while it cooked. 20 minutes later I returned to the kitchen to find two interns, staring at the microwave and debating whether microwaves should, in fact, be smoking with sparks coming out of the back. Not one of them thought to turn the thing off. Yes, I destroyed a microwave by nuking a jacket spud for 20 minutes.

Then on Wednesday, I took our tray of empty plates into the kitchen, which had yet to be cleared that day. There was no space so I popped them on top of the cooker. Normally, I clear up right away but this evening I was shattered and wanted a bit of a sit down first. Little did I know that my husband had left a tea towel on the cooker. (He has previous regarding tea towels, cooker tops and fires).

A few minutes later I hear a strange sound. Thinking that the cat had climbed up on the top and was licking off the sausage fat from my husband’s tea, I went to investigate. Yep, the cooker had gone up in flames. The fire extinguishers didn’t work and my husband soaked the kitchen to stop the fire. Casualties were thankfully only 2 trays, 2 mugs and most of our plates.

Last night, however, there, sat on top of the cooker was… a tea towel. My husband claiming that this was not a problem, the tea towel not being part of the fire-problem. Here I shall point out that he did a degree in Chemistry. So it seems we are both culpable in kitchen-based, fire-related incidents. Idiots.

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